Dear high school graduates,
Congrats. You’ve graduated high school. The whole world is at your feet, you’re heading off to college, jobs, out to do bigger and better things than you’ve done before. But after working parking for the high school graduations at the UCF Arena…
… for about 7 days, there’s something you should know.
I hate you.
Oh, not all of you. But a select few of you:
Honkers: Oh, you’re the worst. Holding up traffic, refusing to move, hanging out of your windows, shouting “WOOOOOO!” Is it any wonder that when one of you stopped next to me and carried on with this behavior, I’d been at work for 14 hours and I told you to “Get out.” with zero emotion?
Too-old dressers: Homegirls. You are 17 or 18 years old. Yes, I get it, you’re youthful and young. But you still live with your parents. You haven’t left yet. And I cannot believe that they let you out of the house dressed in the too-short dress and platform heels.
Partyboys: No. I will not give you my phone number. No, I’m 5 years older than you, so I also will not go out with you. And I’m sorry that if I roll my eyes at you because you’re clearly drunk and can’t handle it. I’m pretty sure that that doesn’t make me a bitch, it just makes you a little asshole.
Oh, and even though he clearly was not a graduate, I have to give a special shout-out to the Grandpa who called me a “bitch” because I wouldn’t let him turn onto a closed road. Even though, y’know, there’s a big ol’ sign next to me blocking the road that says “ROAD CLOSED.”
Just keep these words in mind, kiddos.
But really… congrats!
-Jen
